Many women are surprised that their younger sons are totally different than themselves, – with their thoughts, tastes and behavior. “StarHit” has compiled a guide to the boyish soul.
“You should have been tougher with me, to drive me to better learning! That would be my father!..” – yelled at the mother of 18-year-old’s like, you know, who suddenly found that his knowledge does not match his big ambitions. And blame appointed, of course, mother, who all his life was torn between work and home – tried to was money and food in the fridge, and the son of a neat and prigotovleny. It is fair to say that children raised in two-parent families also blame the parents for something they were given, not provided for and generally did everything wrong. Claims if you want you can find any, even a perfect parent, another thing is that a woman who raises her son alone, is in a more vulnerable position. In addition to all other difficulties and problems faced by other moms, she has to operate in completely unknown territory it called boyish soul.
The father, remembering myself in my younger years, well understand their offspring and explain to the indignant mother that their son “didn’t mean to break the toy, and decided to see what’s inside” and is “not a garbage dump in a corner of the garden, and a hut”, and “the room is not a mess, and conveniently arranged for the owner of the space.”
A good dad is an absolute authority for boys. His name, if that is possible and to threaten. And the phrase “ask permission from his father” well stop all the questionable desire of a teenager. Although there are fathers who would do better not. And nothing but the mental problems they to his son can not give. So adequate, loving and caring mother would a child of ten worthless fathers.
Mothers with son’s with her grandmother, often worried due to the fact that the boy in front of the eyes there is no right of a male model. Example, as psychologists say, will find itself. They can become handy neighbor uncle Vasya, and a popular actor. What “being a man” your son definitely learns from the outside world.
RIGHT TO BE WRONG
From a young age, begin to teach your son accountable for what he does or doesn’t do. Let the boy make his own decision whether to wear a hat today or you can go. Collect will in a fist and let him make may be your first mistake, and also to gain experience – “mom’s not bad advice”. You’re convincing the right, do not turn into a nerd from the “I told you so…”. No doubt, for us all to be wound. The boys imagination is limitless. Space, robots, the underground inhabitants or men growth with ants, so who knows what else – young dreamer subject, any topic. If the mother will show that side of themselves, delight definitely will not be the limit.
Psychologists suggest: discuss with your son his problem. Act in a very tactful and respectful, and most importantly – genuinely interested in what really happened and what he thinks about it. Even if the boy will not answer, ask a rhetorical question, and the work will be undertaken without your intervention: “And you really couldn’t do otherwise? Have to rush with fists?”
Closer to adolescence be prepared for the fact that your once-balabol suddenly stop talking to you. Instead of a gentle “mommy, guess what happened at school” you will find the duty to “BU…” and the sound of slamming his room door. So, it’s necessary to survive. According to psychological studies, young people from 13 years of age prefer not to say too much. To the question: “How are you?” it is easier to burnout: “Normal”, than to indulge in lengthy stories about how the day passed, and running into a bunch of questions from my mom.
New Zealand psychologist Nigel Latta, a specialist in adolescent oddities, recommends the use of unpleasant for son talking as few words as possible. The more a mother is in action, the more opportunities to the guy away from the given topic and venturing to what does not lead the dispute, citing the example of a bunch of interesting theories about the meaning of life. Not join in the discussion! It is difficult, but we must try. Let the son says what he wants – the job to wash the dishes has not been canceled.
Boys generally like specifics and rules – be aware of this and make life easier for him and myself. The son should not doubt: the mother is always ready to listen, understand and take his side. Only love should not be blind. No need to rush into the breach, protecting the main love of your life: guilty – then answer me, and no mother will not help. Then just be sure to understand, why the son did it.
The following rule: a child should not hear you criticize his father, even if he is such a scoundrel, which the world had never seen. First, the appearance of the father (he no longer lives with you, right?) in the eyes of the son became a rare and coveted gift. Second, the father, unlike you, does not require this guy to do their homework, retake physics and finally stopped… will be found. Dad shows up once a year, leads his son to the movies or amusement rides, feeds, ice cream and compliments. What’s his kid grew up, huh?! A sight for sore eyes! And in a fight with him your chances, alas, are low. So don’t be surprised if the son, whom you, without exaggeration, gave herself absolutely treacherous way will be on the side of the former husband.
THE ORDER IN DISORDER
The obligatory stumbling block between the mother and teenage son – is his room, or rather, order it. Agree that it will dust on top and once a week vacuuming floors in areas where this is possible, of course. Well needless to argue over nothing? And the fact that it’s nothing, your son has no doubt never.
MOM NOT MAID
The guy needs to know that mom is not the staff assigned to him since birth, as man, desires and needs which must be respected. Yes, mom might want some tea you need to brew and bring her to bed, to the office – no matter where asked. Yes, mother can send son to the store. Finally, mom can just rush in for a manicure and the younger children to leave under supervision of a senior. “Thank you, my rabbit,” say it will fly on about their business. What? As it should be. Why else would we grow?.. Certainly not to stretched out in height, it was easier to jump on the neck.
Somewhere was silent, somewhere forced – but “understanding”, something with eyes closed, remember: someday it will end! Rest assured, at some point you catch yourself thinking that for a month your son stopped kicking and turned into a normal young man. With someone it happens at 17 or 18 with someone much later, but it’s bound to happen.