Your child is over 20, but he’s still in no hurry to leave his father’s house? Psychologist program “Reset” on TNT Viktor Ponomarenko told what to do in such situations.

The task of parents – to raise children ready for professional, communicative, and other challenges they will face in the future. The young man of 18-20 years is required to realize that he is an adult, after which his relationship with his mom and dad should acquire equitable. If not, perhaps, blame the parents who have their education hindered personal development of Chad. In this case it is necessary to take urgent measures.

Learning equality

Signs by which we can understand that for a child it is time to start an independent life, several. First, he constantly seeks the approval of senior consults for any, even trifling, matter and not able to decide something without support. Second, offspring low self esteem he keeps doubting himself. Thirdly, he often tries to assume the role of victim, complaining and trying to blame others for your own failures. If you notice the grown heir to all of the above, it is necessary to bring him to the thought that has come it’s finally time to exist separately. But how to do it without damaging it and without provoking conflict? Talk to him, the family Council, in a relaxed atmosphere.

Avoid time frames do not hurry the child. It is worth saying that, in making this decision, you are thinking primarily about its well-being and, of course, at first, will support him in every way – not only morally, of course, but also financially.

Provide the necessary

Financial investments have to be justified. To give money for new clothes so her child could go to a job interview or to begin to perform their duties correctly, and to sponsor visits to Nightclubs or discos – no. In most cases, by this age, grown children do not mind to move out from my parents, but if your successor tries to resist, it is necessary to this conversation to come back again and again. It is also important to focus on the need of finding part-time work. The sooner the child will begin to receive their money, the more chances he has to become a wealthy man. Use this argument to motivate the heir.

Weaken control

The fact that the child moved to a rented apartment, does not mean that it became independent. The present separation is just not in the physical and moral separation of the child from mom and dad and the abandonment of former roles in favor of new, more adults. At this stage parents are very important to provide to the child psychological pressure and, no matter how it was hard to stop controlling him. In other words, it is not necessary to call the sibling with issues of the heat if he got dressed and had lunch. And it is quite inappropriate (and so do many parents) try to contact the teachers or employers to settle his problem.

If the heir himself is asking Council to Express their point of view. And be sure to emphasize that this is just your opinion, and to make a final decision it is necessary for yourself.

To support a child is even if he does, in your opinion, the wrong choice. If the argues his behaviour and his words have logic, you need to agree with his way of thinking, otherwise the insistence on their going to breed mistrust between you.

Keep in touch

Entirely disappear not worth it. It is important to be interested in changes in a child’s life – in a global sense. Be sure to make it a tradition to have dinner together once a week to ask the heir how he lives, to offer their help. But, please, without fanaticism. If you will solve all the problems of the child, it will not contribute to the strengthening of a sense of independence and will lead to a definitive halt personal development.

You need to understand that overly protective you will ruin his life and probably call a protest. For example, in spite of the child you will be contacted with bad company, to cease communication with family or will go into opposition – apparently to show their loyalty, and behind your back to do God knows what. To avoid this, you cannot assume the functions of Supervisory authority.

It is important to form a child’s understanding that parents are so close, they always help but think of you and rush on the first call are not going.

Alternative

There are cases when the residence of parents and adult children in the same area is perfectly normal. If the situation suits both parties or perhaps there is a problem with renting an apartment or buying children their own property, but they are separate personalities, then why not? The main thing in this case that the relationship was equal, with mutual support, sharing responsibilities at home and the financial support of a child moms and dads, and not Vice versa.