To leave without saying goodbye: two confessions of teen suicides

Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах “StarHit” trying to understand who is guilty in the children’s suicide – parents, Internet, modern society? Girl, I almost parted with life, and the mother of a teenager, tried to commit suicide, said, why have thoughts of suicide and how to deal with them.

    Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах

    Pyatiklassnitsa jumped from the roof, the student stepped in front of a train, the entrant poisoned pills… These are the daily headlines are full of news feeds. Where in our country there was a wave of teenage suicides and who needs it? Here are two confessions – a girl who tried to commit suicide, and mother almost lost her only daughter.

    “It was the only way out”

    “I can’t explain how or why let yourself in thoughts of death. Probably helped me, ” says 17-year-old Eugene from Volgograd “StarHit”. I hate those people who created a whole world on the Internet and relish the suicide theme. But at that moment considered themselves the chosen… Recently in the cemetery at grandma’s mother cried and said there could be me and she would La bring flowers to the headstone. Her father took her aside and scolded. And I looked at the grave and thought, “Yes, you could, you fool, to lie here!”

    I was an active child, the second daughter, sister Julia two years older. I had a very happy family, and then everything started to fall apart. In preparation for Julia’s graduation, the parents began to behave strangely. Dad sleep in the guest room, and my mother cried… I Once locked myself in the bathroom, taking my dad’s phone and found text messages. All night I was shaking from the realization – my father has a mistress. Julia was afraid to say, didn’t want to ruin her holiday, experiencing all in itself. After prom dear sister went to Moscow to study.

    Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах

    Dad came home, then disappeared for a week… my birthday was drinking heavily and shouting at mom: “What do you reproach me with the kids? Zhenya, you do not want!” So I learned that was an accident… From that moment the parents did not hesitate to quarrel with me. In the evenings they shared property. I wrote to Julia, but she replied that it was a short-term crisis. All seemed to have pulled away from me. And another pain: my boyfriend started Dating another girl, put her photo “Vkontakte”. Like crazy and I looked over on their happy faces. A week later my cat started having seizures, dad took him to the vet, and there he died of pulmonary edema. His father left him at the clinic, not allowing me to bury the pet. I had a tantrum, which no one even paid attention. I posted a picture of a kitten in social networks and signed: “one More loss in my junk
    of life.” The post gathered nearly 300 likes and many comments of strangers, but of sympathy from relatives I didn’t wait… I tried to get through to them: “Talk to me, well talk!” Mother and father sat on a leather sofa with the faces of mannequins. “Jen, we are understand our problems, they said. You’re our daughter, that will never change!” There was one Mat. Yes, what have you, it’s me bad!

    Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах

    Then I began to sleep three hours a day, forgetting on the forums and in chat rooms. Engage in groups in a row, constantly updating feed. My head was stuck the pictures of a girl on the edge of the abyss, the butterfly and the inscription: “In any moment you can get out of my life!”, The little Prince: “one sees clearly only with the heart… And you know what to do!” And then I found a forum where people shared their problems. Read as “breed” of parents to “fear”: what kind of pills to swallow that you can pump out how much activated charcoal to do this, you must take as a “right” to cut the hand in the bathroom. Girls wrote that after such manipulations their dads back into families, boys again pay attention to you. In fact, I didn’t want to die, just that it was the only way. And head was the idea to scare father… to Understand when a person is bad, all these pictures, articles and appeals on the Internet to find it for yourself.

    Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах

    Before the New year my father decided to leave home. Further I remember how in the fog, the anger just turned off my brain. I climbed into the tub and started cutting my arms, looked at the red water. And at that moment it dawned on me that I don’t want to live what you are doing is not just to see the reaction of the parents, and to die. I thought it was a beautiful step and to answer all. On mother’s shouting and knocking on the door the answer was no consciousness left. Whence did the father, who tore the hinges of the flap. They both pulled me, led by ammonia in a sense, the bandaged wrist. After this incident, the reconciliation of parents did not happen, it’s all fairy tales!

    Dad moved out to a rented apartment. My mom took me to a psychologist, she calmed, they say, is a reaction to the upcoming divorce. Specialist was no help, and no help in this state. I was still sitting in social networks as tied. And already specifically looking for just the theme of death. Thinking that walking under a train – ugly, and you jump off high-rises – effectively. Then came across an article about the rebirth of the shower a Mexican scientist. It was written that people who want to escape from life, is not born in time of the individual. Becoming for them to rank themselves, I thought of everything: what clothes would commit suicide and how I’ll paint my lips red lipstick. But one day in one of the groups had posted photos of suicide…

    They withdrew from the Network literally within days. But it struck me – I imagined myself in these pictures. Bloody, mangled face, blue-green skin color. You know, at this moment brains into place. It ain’t beautiful and romantic, and scary and nasty. Some days I sobbed because I felt sorry for the parents. And then he took himself in hand and began life with a clean slate. I withdrew from all social networks in real life met a cute guy have been Dating for a few months. We have designed the application and want to volunteer at the world championship on football in 2018. I bought a large and chase them around the city. Sister planning her wedding, and dad… back in the family!

    And I have advice for all who are going to commit suicide. Complete 9 May, the Immortal regiment with pictures of your grandfathers and great-grandfathers who died in the Great Patriotic war, think about the price of their lives laid on the altar of your. For me it was the best therapy!”

    Уйти, не попрощавшись: две исповеди о подростковых самоубийствах

    “The dream that I walk behind her coffin”

    “I am the mother of 16-year-old girl, lying in the psychiatric ward, said the “StarHit” Elena. – We visit it on Wednesdays and Saturdays. Go out with my husband from the hospital and both are crying. In her room at home put the soft toys on the bed, searched notebooks and drawings. A few months I’m trying to find at least some answers – she didn’t leave a note.

    I very early gave birth to a daughter, and life taught her that the most terrible thing to get pregnant at 15-16 years. It turns out that it’s not. Three days after the incident I was sitting at her computer, and the hair stood on end, Mat and propaganda pills from epilepsy, a group calling become the underdog and take a step to nowhere. Oh, my God! I understand that all this is the Internet… But where was I? Her husband, of course, from morning to evening at work. Why I felt, saw only vicious teenager. Alice is a quiet girl. I always thought that her children hurt. We have a very large dad, almost two meters, and a daughter in first grade went from a growth of 134 cm At school, meeting Alice, I have noticed that the boys are trying to hurt some of the girls shouted: “Alice, peppa pig!” I’m trying to clean up hysterical, in front of the kids. And daughter stopped to tell me everything. Now I understand that it was necessary to pay attention to her weight, and eternal fast food on Saturdays, to give it to the sport and to teach people not to take to heart the words of men. I am a teacher at a music school, a lifetime with children, and my child tried to commit suicide! Alice is buried in the computer, I shout: “Children, homework done, ate, blouse ironed for tomorrow?” All… Dressed, shod, fed. Sometimes get up at 2 in the morning, and she and her phone in bed. What can I say, all the time with gadgets everywhere! At sea, in the country, at grandma at a birthday party. I think that thoughts of suicide she had little more than a year ago. There were signs and I missed them. The girl all the time and slip the word about the terrible world of hate. On her phone I found a correspondence with some guy: “I don’t want to live, the weak and the losers have to die!” Scandal. Drew attention to the age of the man, not the words of death. I began to notice that Alice eats little, thought a teenage lose weight. This was already depressed! Ill beloved grandmother, and she doesn’t care. Quit music and nothing else do not want. And soon entirely ceased to look after themselves in the dressing room a mess, the bits next to the bed. For weeks she went in black jeans and a black t-shirt.

    Then hair cut, not caring. I just thought about pregnancy, bought her a test. Forced to take a drug test. Alice shouted, “what was that? Clean!” And then suddenly became good, visiting my grandmother. Restored order in the room. And even something composed on the piano. “Well finally,” said we. – The mind came from!” And calmed down. But he had his first nightmare. Come home from work, the husband meets me white as a sheet. Alice swallowed a heart pill. Husband is a doctor, managed to drain it. Washed the stomach with potassium permanganate, gave her Riboxin and enterofuryl omeprazole. So we understand that Alice is with us goodbye, making everyone get something good. Then long asked: “the Boy threw? Problems at school? Hurt you? Raped?” She shook her head and was silent.

    The second case occurred a few months ago… this time cut the vein and is in total control! We drove and picked her up from school, followed by talking on a cell. The doctors say that mental illness she has, there is a prolonged depression, inability to overcome difficulties, immaturity. The Internet on this background, just played the role of the Fox in “the Adventures of Pinocchio”. An alternative could be drugs and bad company. Daughter when we visit her in the clinic, crying and begging forgiveness. I have an irrational fear of the statement, afraid to take her home. I can’t bathe in the bathroom where she tried to kill herself. Our dad turned white. And every night I dream that I walk behind her coffin…